What I really think

So I got a lot of positive feedback on the article I wrote for the Senior Column of The Provoc (check it out here) but we all know that there's no way I can truly give the advice I'd like to and have it be appropriate to print in the Assumption newspaper. So here we go, here's what I wish I had really said in the Senior Column.

Coming to college can be rough. Even if you've been waiting your entire life to get out of whatever really shitty town you came from. Luckily for you, you've come to a wonderful place like Assumption where we promote unity and kindness. Not. Welcome to the extended high school that is Assumption College. For the most part people are just a full of drama and clique-y as they were in their nice private high schools. However, you might be able to make it out of here alive if you listen to a genius like me.

-Make sure you look out the window before you leave for class and check the weather, like 6 times. No one wants to be that idiot walking through a monsoon without an umbrella or a jacket. And you definitely don't want to sit in class looking like a drowned rat (and yes you do look like a drowned rat).

-Watch out for the always delicious TayTay Dining Hall, ya never know what they have to offer. Just kidding, yes you do, it's called the shits.

-Don't be a hermit and hide in your room. No one is going to come find you and beg to be your friend. Make an effort. No one cares if you're lonely so get out and get involved.

-Don't be a douche bag. Accept the people around you. Chances are they're not that bad and you might be able to make friends. Trust me, the cool kids don't give a shit about you.

-Know where you are. Don't get fucked up in someone's apartment, lock yourself in the bathroom, and pass the fuck out. Seriously there's no way to unlock the bathroom doors in the Village from the outside, so be careful.

-If your roommate's being an asshole, tell them. Chances are they don't even realize it.

-Don't start trouble. You just look like a moron and no one's going to trust the idiot who's always causing drama.

-Don't fuck with me, or the other seniors. We really will scream at you (somewhere out there some dumb bitches learned this from experience, and they were lucky).

-Some of the speakers and programs and stuff are actually pretty cool, especially if they have cookies, pizza, or wings. Oh and the comedians might actually be funny sometimes, especially if they're incredibly offensive.

-Party and have a good time and all that shit but don't be too crazy. If you fail out you're screwed

-Don't be "that" kid. Seriously, I've been that kid and it sucks. Who wants to wake up in the morning and find out they puked in the sink? Or that they hit someone in the face? Sometimes these things are funny, but most of the time you look like a dumbass and everyones going to make fun of you.

And here are a few extras that couldn't make it into the Provoc article:

-When it comes to tequila, just say no.

-UV Blue will never love you back.

- Shots are your friend.

Take care kids!