Now I see you're just somebody who wastes all my time

This is probably going to be a short, vague, strange post.

There is so much running through my head right now I don't even know where to begin. I dropped some of my stuff off at school today (one of my roommates moved in early) and senior year starts a week from today and to make matters worse my thoughts have basically been devoured by things and people I wish I didn't care about.

Ya know what, I've written two different full posts and deleted them both. I have no idea what I want to talk about and I have no idea what the fuck is going through my head. I'm lost, confused, disappointed, and maybe a little bit sad. The strange thing is that I can't really figure out if I'm sad or not. I mean I feel kind of happy most of the time, I smile, I laugh, I don't fake it I'm genuinely amused so whatever it is I'm feeling I don't fucking know.

All I do know is that I'm going to deal with it by listening to some In The Heights, Ingrid Michaelson, Backstreet Boys, and various other musicians until I get out of my house and leave behind all the aggravation and confusion that comes with it.

Peace.

Sorry about the scattered thoughts, I just needed to write something.

Don't be a fool girl, you're not above him

So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (and listening to various people I know) and I've started to wonder what it is that makes me different from a lot of the people around me. Yes, I know there are about a zillion things but I think one of the major things is judgement.

Now I know that I, like everyone else on the planet, judge people. Hell, I'm usually the first to make a sarcastic comment about someone else (this isn't something I'm proud of but hey that's life). However, when I hear how people talk about other people, and how people expect me to respond to them I really see how judgmental most people are. It's true that we have to judge in some respect, I mean we can't be open to everyone's interpretation of the world (for instance if someone is in direct opposition to another's moral code or something like that). What I'm talking about is the belief that I (or you, or anyone) am above another person. I mean look at what I've done; I've done everything right. I grew up, I went to high school, got good grades, did activities, made friends who were nice law abiding citizens, never did anything all that risky or "bad", went to college and maybe partied a little bit but never too much, and here I am entering my senior year at 21 years old, exactly where I should be.

Do I think this makes me better than someone who took a different route? Someone who isn't on schedule the way I am? Or maybe someone who's completely lost this path and gone down another one, maybe one they're perfectly content with?

Who am I to say that I am better because I did everything right?

There are reasons I'm the person I am. I can't explain why people respond differently to the same situations but I can say that a lot of times I can see an explanation as to why a person has done what they've done or acted the way they have.

Now this may be all over the place but I think you get what I'm saying right?

Of course I get a lot of crap for saying things like that so let me be completely clear when I say that just because I try to EXPLAIN why someone may do something does not mean I am trying to EXCUSE the action. In my opinion, though, it is much better to try and understand why someone may do something "bad" and try to help them change than completely ignore possible causes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I hear things like "well I'd never be in that situation... blah blah blah" I get to thinking. In this reality maybe I would never be in that situation but what if I was? How would I respond? If I lived a different life, in another place or time, with different people, how would I act? You can never be completely sure what you'd do if you were another person because you have not lived their life. Period.

A person should not have to worry about telling me something in their past because I might not like them anymore. It's not fair for me to make that judgement (obviously there are lines that need to be drawn but ya know). How can I be sure that if I was put in that same place I wouldn't have done the same exact thing?

One of my professors used to say that he'd love to see a reality tv show where they took upper middle class kids and dropped them in the middle of the ghetto with no money and forced them to live the life of someone who's grown up in that environment and we could see how long it would take them to resort to some kind of crime. It's scary to think about, but it's absolutely true. Think about it.

On that note I think it's strange that I, someone who trusts next to no one, is able to let people into my life and try to understand them without judgement while so many others close themselves off to so many different kinds of people.

Whatever it's your loss.

Peace and Love

PS title is a song lyric again from this song by Ingrid Michaelson

It Won't Be Long Now

So two weeks from today I begin my senior year of college. Senior freakin year. Naturally because of this people are constantly asking me what I want to do after I graduate. "What do you want to do?" "Do you know what you want to do next year?" "What do you want to be?"

What do I want to be? Shit.

Usually I just answer with a nice "I don't know, I want to work with kids." That usually works, but really what do I want to do? What do I want to be? Hell who do I want to be?

See I'm a sociology major, I've known since I took a sociology class my junior year of high school that I wanted to be a soc. major, that was the easy part. Of course, being a soc. major I can do virtually anything (with enough bs-ing soc. majors could do almost anything).

I want to work with kids, simple enough right? But what do I really want to do. I have no freakin' clue.

What do I want to be though? I think I know this one. I want to be someone.

Someone who means something to the world. Someone who stands for something. Someone who helps people. Someone who is so much more than I am right now.

I want to help people. I want to make my mark. I don't want the world to know my name but I want the people who do know it, know that I meant something, that I did something.

What do I want to do?

I want to work with disadvantaged kids, "at-risk youth" if you will. Basically, I want to help kids who are having a rough time, who don't have a lot, who want (or even don't want) someone to show them the way. I want to help the next generation understand that they matter. I want the kids who see nothing in their future see that there's something there, something that they need to create, and I want them to see that they're not alone in doing it.

On that note, what the fuck am I going to do next year?

P.S. the title of this post was inspired by this song from In The Heights

Honestly?

When I started this blog I didn't really think I'd spend most of my time talking about the world's problems but here we go again...

Somalia and the other countries in the Horn of Africa are currently in a major crisis. There's no food, water, or medical supplies... you've probably heard the stories and they're horrendous. Now I'm not ging to beg everyone to donate their savings to the children of Somalia or anything like that (although a few buck probably wouldn't kill ya) I understand that people just don't have the money to be donating to all of the incredibly worthy causes that we see every day.

What I would like to say is that people just need to get a freakin' clue.

Every time the US plans to send aid to another country desperately in need people are up in arms talking about how we can't take care of our own hungry, or the veterans, homeless, etc., etc. Which I completely understand and agree with. The United States should be able to take care of their own citizens who are in need, there is no denying that, but there are many, many, many, things that are being done wrong here. Most of them have nothing to do wit money being spent on foreign aid.

However, I do understand that arguement. What I don't understand is how (and this is going to be worded incrdibly awkwardly, you've been warned) the only time we really hear people complaining about how money is being used is when it is to aid someone else in need. Most people never question the outstanding percentage of the budget that goes to the military (which would be a little different if they actually paid the soldiers well, which they don't, the ones actually doing the work get screwed, isn't that usually the case?). Anyways the money spent on developing weapons (and more nuclear weapons that are completely unnecessary) is outrageous, but no one questions that. The small amount of the budget that goes to foreign aid though? Fuck that we don't have the money for it.

What really, reeeeaalllyyyyyyy gets me though, is when the problem is just shoved aside. I was reading an article yesterday about a plan for aid when I saw this comment on it, "We cannot solve broken Africa, it is beyond help, there isn't enough spare money on earth to fix it.".

Right, so no one really has the money to do anything, so fuck it, we can't fix it, might as well just leave it. "It is beyond help"... beyond help? Are you shitting me? Really? Yea they're beyond help, they're screwed, so uhhh whatever let's just leave it.

So it'd be totally fine for someone to say, "this economy is beyond help, no one can fix it, forget it." Yea I don't think that's going to happen.

Why is completely acceptable for people to disregard the plight of an entire continent?

Like I said before I tend to have more questions than answers, but that's life isn't it?

I'm out, peace and love.

P.S. Even if you can't help support causes with money, spreading the word and spreading compassion and understanding is also a HUGE contribution. So, do something nice today and stick up for what you believe in, God knows I do.

In The Heights

So I've been posting some kind of serious things here recently, which is strange because most people know I'm not very serious at all. So now I'm going to write about something completely irrelevant to anyone else, my current obsession with In The Heights.

If you've never heard of In The Heights it's a musical exploring a few days in the lives of the people in the Washington Heights neighborhood of NYC (hence the title).

I'm not going to talk to much about the show itself but you can find the story here or here (if you'd like the more complete wikipedia explanation).

What I really want to share are some of my favorite songs from the show, because well I've never actually seen it, I simply know the music.

This is the Opening/Title Song where we meet all of the residents:

it's a really nice introduction to the show and I love all the wonderful styles of Latin music that are displayed.

And this has come to be one of my absolute favorite songs in the show (and I have a lot of favs). It's just so much fun, so playful, and happy, taking place right before the tragic part of the play.

So that's all I'm going to share about the play for now. I just am absolutely obsessed with all of the music (especially Carnaval) and had to share my obsession with someone else.

Peace and Love.

The contagiousness of anger, hate, and violence

I wouldn't typically examine something foreign that I don't fully understand but I feel I needed to briefly touch upon the riots happening in the UK right now. My thoughts on the whole situation are entirely disorganized but I'm going to try and sort them out here.

This is obviously not the first time that seemingly inappropriate police actions (I am not blaming the police nor am I supporting their actions, I do not have enough information to endorse either side). It is often stated that history repeats itself but knowing this how do we continuously let history keep repeating? How could people who were probably completely "average" a few days ago now be destroying their own neighborhoods and cities? More importantly how could this have been prevented, and how can it be prevented in the future?

I honestly cannot even attempt to answer any of those questions. What I can say is that the anger, hate, and desire to strike back that is filling the hearts of the people of the UK has obviously spread like wild fire and the violent outbursts have become contagious. An individual, alone, on the street, after the event that sparked the riots would almost never respond violently. There may be angry words directed at the police or even threats but a single person (or a very small group of people) would almost never resort to rioting, violent outbursts, and looting. So what is it about large groups that causes people to act so far outside of the norm? What is it about being in a large group that makes it seem completely justifiable to absolutely ransack your own environment, hurt your own people, and steal from your own community?

I guess there are by far more questions here than actual insights but I have studied a bit about how when in specific settings people act differently than normal (ex: doing the wave at a sporting event, you wouldn't do the wave in your house now would you?) but I am completely flabbergasted by the fact that people can get some completely caught up in anger, violence, and a group dynamic (and probably a lot of fear) that they would destroy their own environment.

That being said my thoughts are with everyone in these hostile areas, anyone who knows someone in these areas, and the UK in general. Be safe and put an end to this needless violence.

Religion... yup I'm doing it

So I struggle with religion... a lot. I don't know what I believe or how I feel and I don't really care to explore the core beliefs or current hot topics in different religions to find what's right for me. I think tonight I realized exactly what is right for me in terms of religion. I believe that generally people should be accepted for their differing beliefs and opinions but when religion is involved it is incredibly difficult to do so, even though many religions promote love and acceptance. Almost all major religions have some form of the golden rule "treat others how you wish to be treated" but when discussing religion do people really do that? Not in most of the conversations/debates/arguments I've heard.

My point is, there are reasons I chose not to deeply explore how I feel about religion (mostly Christianity and Catholicism as I was raised Catholic). I have a different understanding of the Bible than many, I find other aspects of life much more fulfilling (many that are completely in line with core religious beliefs), but really I do not want to invest myself in trying to figure all this out, especially when it would most likely, for lack of a better phrase, piss me off in the end. I do not want to spend time, energy, and emotional strength searching for a truth that (in my opinion) won't be found.

I heard someone in a religious debate state that people should be able to give their time to God (this was in response to someone else's dislike for going to church). This is what made me realize exactly how I felt. I've always believed that whether you go to church, believe, embrace religion or not, God (in theory, like I said I was raised Catholic) will bypass these things in favor of your true character. So as long as you're a good person you should be just fine. Now it is much easier to put into words exactly what I mean:

If a person gives themselves to others and gives their time to what is good, they are giving themselves and their time to God and therefore will be rewarded in the end.

Peace and Love <3

Katie

also since this is a post about religion and basically being a good person I want to send my thought and prayers to the people suffering in Somalia. It truly breaks my heart to know what is happening there.

My awkward life...

I almost named this blog "My Awkward Life" which would be the name of the reality tv show that chronicles what I do from day to day, but decided not to. I now know that I absolutely should have. I'm not going to go into detail but my life has somehow become terribly awkward and I have no idea how. That is all.

Hello...is it me you're looking for?

... I thought it might be. Anyways, welcome to my wonderful new blog. If you know me you know I'm pretty awesome. If you don't know me, you probably should. Hi I'm Katie, I don't really know how to describe myself but I'm sure my personality will come through a bit in my writing. I'm a pretty happy person in general and I love to have fun. Also, I'm not the best writer in the world, not even close, there will be nothing nice or poetic about my writing. Just a heads up.

I don't know what you can expect from me but here are a few things you might see a lot of:

The Red Sox- I'm a HUGE Sox fan. End of story.

Nerdy social science things- I'm kind of a huge sociology nerd and I'm really into examining society, social patterns, and social justice, as well as how society and environment impact individuals.

African kids- I volunteer tutoring African immigrants and refugees and I've never loved anything more in my life, I'll be an intern this year so there will probably be a lot to share.

Shoes- I have a shoe problem. This isn't just your typical "oh I'm a girl so I like shoes" thing. I'm serious I have a love affair with shoes.

Sparkles, sequins, and shiny things- I'm easily distracted and amused by anything that glitters.

Peace and love- Despite my foul mouth, attitude, and strange love for violent movies I'm all about peace, love, embracing differences, and unity.

Music- I'm obsessed with listening to music and I like all kinds of random and awesome stuff :)

Movies- Pretty much the same thing as music.

Musicals- I adore musicals and I often go on streaks where I listen to one soundtrack for a while and can't stop singing the songs.

My quest to find something useful to do with my life- Yea I'm a senior and I have no idea what I'm doing.

So buckle your seat-belts and enjoy the ride, hell bring along your friends if you want, because you know just as much as I do about what's coming.

Peace out <3